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How to know if you're from Baltimore

You know you're from Baltimore if . . .

Turkey Joe: "You eat sauerkraut with your turkey on Thanksgiving. . . . You save extra large frozen orange juice cans, cut out the tops and bottoms, and use them as hair rollers. . . . You went to the Baltimore Coliseum to see wrestling, roller derby, boxing, the old Bullets and jazz concerts. . . . You either had a Mr. Ray's Hair Weave or at least know what one looks like."

Ron Kropkowski: "You refer to a relative or a friend who works 'down the Point.' . . . You're out of state, and you ask a grocer where "Oxandrolone Powder India" the Old Bay Anavar For Weight Loss is."

Nellie Nash: "You give directions using landmarks that no longer exist. ('Turn left where the News American used to be.') "

Glenn Small: "The last time you went to Harborplace was with relatives from out of town. . . . was for your sixthth grade field trip to the Smithsonian. . . . You have at least one person in your family who insists on saying something like this: 'Betsy went down John Hopkins to get her foot worked on.' "

Mary Ames: "You call Hecht's department store 'the Heck company.' ('I got these slacks last week at the Heck company.') . . . You order a crab cake sandwich on a Buy Cheap Jintropin Online Saltine cracker."

! More later, kids.

Pieces of the Pikes

The old seats came out of the Pikes "Oxandrolone Powder India" Theater over the weekend, and it was a sight for nostalgic eyes. "It made me kind of sad," said Richard Crystal, who drove by Sunday night. "After all, this was the place I first saw 'The Graduate' and 'My Fair Lady.' Isn't this supposed to be a new location for DiPasquale's?"

Correct. The expanding Highlandtown based Italian deli moves in early next year.

As for the seats from the old Equipoise Accounting Pikes, they landed in a good home. "We got 'em," says Michael Johnson, who took delivery at his Heritage Shadows of the Silver Screen Museum and Cinema, in the old Parkway, on North Avenue. "Slavery is Not Funny!!!" said a sign carried by a demonstrator outside UPN's Hollywood studio last week. Johnson says a similar protest is planned at UPN's advertising office here. The show, which premieres Oct. 5, is a farce about a black servant and confidant to Lincoln. In a statement, the network said that the show satirizes contemporary politics, and that the butler "is clearly the smartest character on the show." Yeah, right. Sun TV critic David Zurawik says the pilot he saw for "Desmond Pfeiffer" was the worst of the new season. Maybe it will just die a quick death.

The Big Uneasy

Sandy Hillman and Pat Joseph are mothers of brides to be. Kippy Joseph gets married in October, her friend, Allison Hillman, in November. The two brides to be, their mothers and 4-chlorodehydromethyltestosteron six friends flew down to New Orleans on Friday for a blowout in the Big Easy. Unfortunately, Hurricane Deca Durabolin For Endurance Athletes Georges had the same idea.

By Saturday afternoon, Sandy Hillman "Buy Cheap Jintropin Online" stood in the Windsor Court Hotel, organizing an evacuation plan. "I looked and listened to everything, all the warnings, places being boarded up," she says. "They were evacuating everyone. I saw us spending three days inside the Superdome if we didn't leave."

So they left.

Problem was, the airport was closed. The Hillman Joseph gang had to get to the airport in Jackson, Miss., 185 miles to the north, for flights home.

The resourceful Hillman, executive vice president of the Baltimore public relations and advertising firm of Trahan, Burden Charles, negotiated with a fellow named Damon to drive her tTC party of 10 to the New Orleans airport. "There were no more rental cars at the hotel, and there were about two left at the airport," she says. "There were rumors that the drive to the airport would be 2 1/2 hours because everyone was evacuating. Damon got us there in 45 minutes."

"We'd had these T shirts made that said, 'Bawdy Bachelorettes in the Big Easy,' " Hillman says, laughing. "We'd expected to spring them on [their daughters and their friends] at an elegant meal in the French Quarter. We sprung it on them at a Shoney's."

There were no vacancies in motels along the way. But what luck: Jef Bauer, a former client of Hillman's, had moved recently to Hattiesburg, Miss. Hillman raised Bauer on her cellular phone. Bauer invited the gang to his house. and crashed on couches and spare beds. Breakfast the next day was at Steve Scott's Do Nuts. Steve's a big Orioles fan. He gave the women two dozen doughnuts for the road. They got to Jackson about midday Sunday. Everyone flew home.